Daily Dad

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Is there anyone home?

"Hello...This is Bean!" is what I heard coming from the other room. What I was expecting to hear was the third ring of the phone.

"Yea. Yea. You wanna come see the baby cats? I like the...I like the baby cats. Ender next door. Jack's house. Um, ride my bike. Um, just a lil bit of soda."

Finally I'm able to pry the phone from his hands. "Hello?" I say.

"Hi, this is Janine from Wells Fargo Financial Acceptance..."


What is it with this kids obsession with the phone? He'll even pull a few tears if he doesn't get to talk to the telespam machines that call all day. Without even thinking about it I'll hang up as soon as I hear its a machine. Then I spend the next couple of minutes trying to calm Bean down because I forgot to let him talk. I try to explain to him that its just a machine, but he doesn't seem to care, he just wants to talk. Recently I've taken to just saying "No one was there." He accepts that.

Lately in an attempt to get Bean some more airtime, I'll have him deliver the phone to Ender whenever he gets a call. This gives Bean the time he needs to tell them about his latest video game adventure (he's taken to calling Mech Assault 'yellow ball' lately) before he has to hand over the phone.

I even emailed family members and requested that they give Bean a call. I say requested, but really I was begging. Even as I write this, Bean is in the other room crying "I want talking to Wally!" I'm sure Wally, who is probably in a deep discussion with Ender about what they'd do if their lame parents would only let them buy the Sharpie-mini, would love to hear more about Bean's views on the kitten's litter box.

I think Bean has become so desperate to talk to everyone, he's taken to talking to everything. For example, the Leap Frog thing-a-majig that promises to turn your child into Doogie Howser starts up by saying "Hi, my name is Edison!" Bean responds with "Hi, my name is Bean!" At first I was picturing my child doing a triple bypass while stressing out over getting his driving permit. Then Edison said, "This is the letter U." Bean's response was "This is the letter me?"

Of course what kind of father would I be if I didn't encourage my child to develop his language skills? I just want to answer my phone in peace. I want to be able to hang up on bill collectors in peace. I want to be able to not answer my phone in peace (when they call back). I want to be able to answer my door without it being the police responding to a 911 call. Also, how the heck did he learn how to order a large pepperoni with a side of BBQ/Mild wings? (Honest Theresa, it was him!)